New Horizons
by Auriga Rose
Summary: Shepard's alive and back with the Alliance, but can she be trusted? Commander Alenko intends to find out.


**Chapter 1: The Set-Up**

**Disclaimer:** Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. I just break the characters out to play.

Shepard was exhausted. She had barely slept at all over the past few days and the near constant fatigue was beginning to gnaw at her brain. After defeating the collectors, Shepard had flown straight to the Citadel stopping only for fuel and major repairs. She had intended to meet with Anderson. Working with Cerberus had given Shepard access to intel the Council and the Alliance badly needed, and the former Captain was the only one she could trust to take said information seriously. Unfortunately, when Shepard had arrived at the Presidium the councilor had been nowhere to be found. Anderson's secretary had brushed her off stating only that his current location was privileged information. Shepard of course hadn't bought any of it, and had charged straight into the human embassy office fully expecting to find the older man sitting at his desk. Instead she had found Kaidan Alenko.

He had been calmly staring out the window when Shepard barged in and disturbed the tranquility. She had often dreamed of running into her former lieutenant—of having a proper reunion where they forgave each other and made up. This was nothing like what she'd imagined. They both stood perfectly still for a moment as the shock of the situation slowly began to wear off. Kaidan took a step forward closing the distance between their bodies. Shepard felt a tingle run down her spine in response to his proximity. She couldn't resist breathing in his crisp clean scent, and was happy to note that it hadn't changed since his first day aboard the Normandy. He was standing so close now that she could feel the heat of his breath. She closed her eyes to savor the moment, but a sudden gust of wind caused them to flutter open again. Kaidan was gone. Shepard stood next to the doorway trying to register what had just happened. The doors swooshed close and her brain quickly caught up to speed. She ran after him.

"Kaidan, wait," she cried—roughly grabbing his arm. "You didn't listen to me on Horizon. At least give me a chance this time."

"A chance for what Shepard?" Kaidan's brown eyes were dark with emotion. "I've had a lot of time to think since Horizon. When I found out you were working with Cerberus I thought that you had changed. I kept telling myself that the Shepard I knew—my Shepard—would never turn her back on the Alliance or on me. But I was wrong. You didn't change Shep. You didn't have to. I just didn't want to see the truth. Torfan. Virmire. Even that night before Ilos."

"Don't," she warned through gritted teeth.

"The only person you look out for is yourself. You never cared about me, or Ash, or the Alliance. You were just trying to survive." Kaidan's face twisted into a bitter grimace.

"If I had been more like you I wouldn't have wasted the past two years of my life. Maybe you do have the right idea after all."

"Just stop, Kaidan."

"Look me in the eye, Shep, and tell me I'm out of line." His shirt was glowing a faint blue, and Shepard knew he was struggling to keep his biotics in check.

"Go ahead. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that this Cerberus thing was just to gather intel for the Alliance. Tell me that night meant something to you." Kaidan was shaking, and as they stood there in silence he realized that a small part of him wanted her to deny everything. The blind optimism was still there no matter how much he tried to suppress it. Kaidan wanted to be wrong. He was still holding out hope for a woman who had never existed. Shepard lowered her head in defeat without so much as a word of denial. There was a sharp pain in Kaidan's chest.

"I thought so," he said gruffly. There was a raw edge to his voice that made Shepard raise her gaze.

"Kaidan, please," she begged reaching for his arm. He pulled out of her grasp with a look of disgust.

"I cared about you, Shep. I would have died for you. Gladly. We all would've. I…I loved you." Shepard's face collapsed at his use of the past tense.

" I do care about you Kaidan. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." All thoughts of dignity had disappeared. Shepard no longer cared if she made a fool of herself. She just wanted him to understand.

"I have changed, Kaidan. I'm not that woman anymore. I don't need a survival mechanism. I already died." There was a brief flicker of emotion in Kaidan's eyes, and Shepard hesitantly continued.

"I—I just need you." There was a brief pause before Shepard put all her cards on the table.

"You're all that kept me going during this mission. I never needed a reason to do my job before, but you kept me fighting. It wasn't the thought of getting back together or even of seeing your face again. I just wanted you to be safe. I saw what the Collectors did to the colonists and I—I couldn't let them do that to you." She shook her head as if to clear away the bad memories.

"I love you, Alenko," she said miserably. Her voice nearly choked on the words.

Kaidan's head jerked up in surprise and he pinned her with a steely gaze. His eyes softened as they took in the broken woman before him, and it took every ounce of control in his body not to pull her against his chest. Shepard took a deep breath, and tried to pull herself together.

"I'm not holding out any hope," she added warily.

Kaidan raked a hand through his thick black hair. Taking in Shepard's cold, sad eyes he slammed his fist against the wall.

"Damnit, Shep," he said in a low growl. "We can't keep doing this! You can't just show up out of nowhere and turn my life upside down." Shepard visibly straightened.

"Of course," she said trying to keep her voice even. "I'll…leave you alone." Kaidan grabbed her arms as she turned to leave.

"Say it again," he ordered. His brown eyes were unreadable as they bore into hers and his grip tightened around her wrists. "Say you love me, Shep. I need to know if it's the truth."

"Kaidan—"

He squeezed her arms tighter at the protest, nearly cutting off circulation.

"Just say it," he pleaded. Shepard stared up at him her violet eyes rimmed with red. She swallowed hard before repeating the words Kaidan longed to hear.

"I love you," she said quietly. The truth was evident in her voice. Kaidan's loosened his grip and stared down at the red marks on Shepard's wrists. His brow was knit as he traced each raw line with his thumb.

"Were you really that indifferent before the crash?" he asked swallowing the forming lump in his throat. Shepard sighed before carefully choosing her words.

"You were my lieutenant, Kaidan. I cared, but I wasn't willing to let myself fall for you. I was convinced there was too much at stake." He nodded, but didn't look up.

"I thought you were a weakness—a crack in my armor. Maybe I was right, but I can't do this without you. I need a man at my back. I need something to come home to." Kaidan dropped Shepard's hands and took a shallow breath.

"I don't know if I can do this," he admitted and Shepard tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her gut.

"I'm not asking you to do anything," she whispered. They stood in uncomfortable silence before Kaidan cleared his throat.

"So now what?" he asked hoarsely, and Shepard gave him a sad smile.

"Now you go find yourself a nice, normal girlfriend, and I finish what I started."

"We started it together," he pointed out. Shepard shook her head.

"No," she said firmly. "If this is headed where I think it's headed the answer is no."

"I'm not asking, Shep. The Alliance needs someone to keep an eye on you," he explained. "Like it or not, I'm coming along."

"Alenko?"

"Yes?"

"You're a terrible spy." The corners of Shepard's mouth were twitching though from what emotion Kaidan couldn't tell.

"Yeah," he said with a cringe. "I know."


End file.
